The Game

We called it “The Game.”

Pete and I met in college our freshman year and dated throughout our 4 years (with a couple of breaks here and there), getting married one month after our graduation. My memory does not recall when “The Game” got started, who started it, or how it actually developed, but I do recall that it must have started early on because we did a lot of it!

Our college was located in a small rural town, so many of our special dates involved long drives to reach a different location. Day to day, we did a lot of walking around campus and around town in order to spend some alone time together. We used those times to play “The Game.” The rules were basic, and the goal was to get to know each other super well (even if we couldn’t articulate it at the time). Here’s how it went: either person could ask the other any question – and they had to answer. The catch was the asker also had to be prepared to answer the same question as well. There was no list, no system, no agenda. As time progressed, the questions began to reach below the surface, became more challenging to answer, and increased in intimacy. We realized our dialogue was broaching new heights, and we often had to come back to a question because it just needed more research or pondering. It became clear what we agreed or disagreed on, what preferences and priorities the other clung to, what struck a really deep chord, or what really didn’t matter to either one of us. Sometimes we ended up laughing, crying or just being quiet. But at the end, we always knew each other a little bit better. Since we dated for so long before getting married, you could say that we knew each other pretty well and had a clear vision of our goals and how we would support each other early on. Details would need to surface or come into focus, but there was little surprise about how the other would act or react. It was no telepathic thing. It just grew from our time tending to each other.

Most mornings for the past several years I wake with the same thought, “you see me, and you know me.” That is a phrase from a scripture passage in Psalm 139. A rich and intimate passage about how the Lord created us, knows us, and is not surprised by us. Various verses in Ps. 139 have spoken to me over the years, but the theme song of my mornings return me to that simple phrase, “you see me, and you know me.” While this would remain true on God’s part whether I ever knew it or not, it springs into life when I embrace how deeply he knows and cares about all of the big and little things about me. My awareness has increased as I choose to play “the game” with him. Positioning myself to talk, listen, and consider what God thinks about various topics and situations has brought me into a greater knowledge of his sovereign will. The mind of Christ. It helps me to love what he loves and hate what he hates. To take a step of faith. To know how he would respond to choices that present themselves to me. My mind has rehearsed the portion of that verse so much that it is the first thing my conscious self remembers every day.

It just grows from our time tending to each other; in learning how to know another and to be known by them. In the book, Anatomy of the Soul*, by Curt Thompson, M.D., he describes a patient he worked with who was a very educated man but wanted help for a struggling marriage. As Curt got to know him, he realized, “he (the patient) knew things. But he hadn’t been known by anyone in such a way that he felt understood, forgiven, or encouraged. Not by people nor by God. And to the degree that he was not known, the one thing he could not know was his own heart. This, in turn, limited the development of the characteristics of God’s Kingdom in his life.” It also limited his ability to fully engage in healthy relationships.

Do you ever wonder what God’s will is for you? Do you face choices that seem to have no clear direction or no apparent direction at all? Do you even care what God may think about the way you live your life or interact with others? In the sum of all my years that I have walked with the Lord, I can barely recall any time I received very specific directions from him; no booming voice, no big sign or wonder, no grand dream in the middle of the night. What I have found is that frequent rhythms of time spent seeking his presence has helped me develop a sense of his mind, his affirmation, his blessing, his reservation, his “yes”, his “wait,” and his “no.” I call that discernment. The Scriptures tell us that developing discernment is the path to knowledge and to God’s heart. It is a supernatural work that he does within us when we ask for it and then spend time with him to let it grow within us.

Proverbs 14:6 – The mocker seeks wisdom and finds none, but knowledge comes easily to the discerning.

Philippians 1:9 & 10 – And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.

Psalms 119:125 – I am your servant; give me discernment that I may understand your statues.

Hear me out: I have not reached some glorious threshold of discerning every detail of my life. I get impatient, confused, and frustrated. I still spend time letting thought threads and cycles swirl in my brain before stopping and taking it to the Lord. What I do see changing though is, no matter how satisfying it is to remember every morning that He sees me and knows me, my heart longs to know him back.

*Thompson, Curt. Anatomy of the Soul: Surprising Connections between Neuroscience and Spiritual Practices That Can Transform Your Life and Relationships. Carol Stream: Tyndale House, 2010.